


the air got a little rough

by mixtapestar



Series: Queliot Week 2020 [3]
Category: The Magicians (TV)
Genre: Communication, Established Relationship, M/M, Post-Episode: s04e13 No Better To Be Safe Than Sorry, Quentin Coldwater Lives, References to Depression, Rituals
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 17:42:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 945
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27620176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mixtapestar/pseuds/mixtapestar
Summary: Queliot Week Day 3: "That wasn't brave."Eliot interrupts Quentin in the middle of a ritual.
Relationships: Quentin Coldwater/Eliot Waugh
Series: Queliot Week 2020 [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2017429
Comments: 12
Kudos: 42





	the air got a little rough

**Author's Note:**

> Title from "[Good Grief](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VMVA2TY4fFE)" by Dessa.
> 
> Shout out to Rubi for her help! <3

When Eliot interrupts Quentin in the middle of a ritual, one that he recognizes and immediately panics at the danger of it, he's prepared for Quentin's anger. Yelling, lashing out, accusations—all of those, he can handle. What he can't handle is the silence.

Feeling the need to justify himself further while Quentin tends to the new gash on his forearm, he says, "When we both woke up in that hospital together, I made you a promise."

"Yeah, I remember," Quentin grits out. Okay, there's some of the anger Eliot's been expecting. "You promised to be braver." He shakes his head. "That wasn't brave. It was stupid."

Eliot expects a similar surge of emotions to match, as they revisit this argument about Benedict, but he can't feel angry when he's still coming down from the overwhelming fear at finding Quentin. "I was trying to protect you."

"I didn't need protecting! Jesus, El, we can't keep, like, sacrificing ourselves every time things get rough. I finally learned that lesson for myself; I didn't know I had to teach it to you, too."

"Did you? Learn that lesson? Because it looked like you were about to take the Juliet potion. I'm no expert, but that seems pretty close to a sacrifice to me." Quentin clenches his jaw, still not meeting Eliot's eye. Eliot takes a deep breath and tries again, softer. "I can't lose you again."

"Yeah, well. Same."

Eliot stares at the dagger, the last part of the ritual, the one he'd grabbed in his panic and quickly stabbed himself with in his haste to remove it from the magic's hold. If he hadn't shown up when he did… "I know we fought about this," he starts, his voice wavering. "I should have listened to you. I thought— well, it doesn't matter. This is important to you, clearly, and it's my fault for shutting you down."

Quentin huffs. "My actions are not _your fault_. I knew I didn't have your support; you made that clear." He squeezes his eyes shut. "I probably should have had someone else back me up."

"There is no ' _probably_ '," Eliot says harshly. "And you should've had _me_ backing you up. Look. I'm bad at—I don't know, arguing, seeing through the bullshit, reading between the lines—take your pick. If something is this big _and_ this important, you have to tell me. Even if we're fighting. If I'd known you were going to go through with this anyway, I would've been here from the beginning."

Quentin shakes his head. "I know you don't think he's worth it."

Eliot closes his eyes, counts to ten. "I don't understand why you feel like you have to do this," he says. "I know his death was unjust, but you told me yourself that he's happy down there."

"He _thinks_ he is. But—I don't know how to explain it. Things are different down there. And if I got to come back, it feels like I should do everything I can to, like, pay it forward."

"Oh, Q." Eliot reaches for him, tentatively, and relief floods through him when Quentin accepts his hug, leaning onto his chest. "There are plenty of ways to pay it forward that don't involve fucking with the Underworld. We only got you back through a series of increasingly high-stakes offers to Hades; it's frankly a miracle that we got the deal that we did. It's not that I don't think Benedict is worth bringing back. It's just that _nothing_ is worth it, if it means losing you."

He feels Quentin shaking in his arms before he hears the sobs, muffled against his chest. "I can't—my life—has to be—worth _something_ ," Quentin manages between sobs.

Eliot swallows hard, fighting against his own tears. "Your life is worth _everything_. To so many people, but especially to me. You don't have to _earn_ it, Q. You just have to live."

"You should be—the one angry with _me_ ," Quentin says.

Eliot breathes out, more just an exhale than a laugh. "I'll take a raincheck. As long as you promise me you'll abandon this track for now? We can do some research, see if there's a better way, if you still want to pursue it."

"I feel responsible for his death," Quentin says miserably.

"I know you do, baby, but you shouldn't." Eliot wonders if Quentin will listen better to his point now that they're not in a shouting match. "The Abyss Key was Poppy's fault, if anyone's. And I know you blame yourself that there even was a key quest, but… honestly, if anyone can be blamed for that, it's me."

Quentin sits up, his eyes puffy and his face splotchy, but through all that his skeptical look is obvious. "How do you figure?"

"The whole showdown with Ember and Umber was my idea, if you recall," he says, brushing tears from Quentin's face. "Just because you did the stabbing doesn't make you responsible."

Quentin sags back against him, and Eliot welcomes him back into his hold easily. Quentin's voice is faint when he says, "Coming back has been hard. Living… was always hard. I don't want to leave you, though." He falls silent, and Eliot can't think of anything worthwhile to say, so he just holds him. When Quentin finally breaks the silence with a laugh, it startles both of them. "I think maybe I need a new therapist."

"Fuck. Me too," Eliot says, breathing out with relief. For the moment, they're okay. He presses a kiss to the top of Quentin's head. "We'll figure this out, okay? One way or another. Together."

Quentin takes his hand. "Together," he agrees.

**Author's Note:**

> Your comments are much appreciated! <3 You can find me on tumblr at [mixtapestar](http://mixtapestar.tumblr.com).


End file.
